Ten things I should have done before I turned 30

Things to do: mountain climbing

I accomplished a few things by the time I turned 30, but it turns out they were the wrong things. Here’s what I should have done instead.

Recently I saw a tweet by @obviousplant_ listing 20 things to do before you turn 30. Some of the items were great. “Release the kraken” was my favourite.

I decided to write my own list, and this is it.

In the interests of full disclosure, I should say that all the things I will achieve by the time I’m 30 I’ve already done.

There are some, honest.

I’ve finished a first draft of a novel that’s over 200k words.

I’ve finished a second draft of a novel that’s over 150k words. I’ve finished a third… Never mind.

I’ve learned to drink coffee (a little too well).

I’ve graduated. Twice.

I’ve fallen off a horse and been dragged behind it with my foot stuck in the stirrup.

I’ve jumped off a high diving board. Just kidding. I would never do that.

I’ve held a million dollars. (It was heavy and I didn’t get to keep it.)

I’ve had the same bright idea as a Nobel Laureate 30 minutes before he had it (and explained it so badly that he didn’t realise we were saying the same thing).

As you can see, I’ve done some stuff, but it turns out I’ve been doing the wrong things. Here are the ten things I should have done by age 30.

Learned to change the filter in the vacuum. I have a vague concept the vacuum has a filter, and the fact I haven’t changed it might explain why the vacuum doesn’t work as well as it used to.

Figured out a system for dealing with clothes I take off that aren’t clean enough to put back in the wardrobe, but aren’t dirty enough to need washing. Unfortunately, I don’t think a pile on the floor counts as a system.

Taught His Royal Fluffiness not to bite me. Who am I kidding? I should have taken to habitually wearing armour on my arms and legs.

Staked a vampire. Because everyone should do that at least once, right?

Learned the name of at least one song I like. You’d think this would be easy, but I only like songs because I’ve heard them played somewhere, and the words to the chorus aren’t always the name of the song. Quite inconsiderate, that.

Learned to speak a foreign language. I’ve tried. I really have tried. But I have trouble enough speaking English half the time.

Learned to explain to hairdressers what I want. Does anyone know why this is so hard? “Shorter” doesn’t seem to cover it these days.

Learned to dance. Kidding. I don’t want to be able to dance.

Taught the chickens not to sunbathe leaning against the front door. I mean, what’s so special about the front doorstep? Apart from the fact it is (now) covered in chicken poo.

Achieved world domination. Someone has to rule the world, and it seems as if pretty much anyone can do it these days. I don’t see why it shouldn’t be me.

Fortunately it’s never too late for world domination, so I’ll be making a bid shortly. If you’d like a place on my world domination team, please apply below.

What weird or random stuff have you done? What should you have done?

 

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Author: A.S. Akkalon

By day, A.S. Akkalon works in an office where the computers outnumber the suits of armour more than two-to-one. By night, she puts dreams of medieval castles, swords, and dragons onto paper.

21 thoughts on “Ten things I should have done before I turned 30”

  1. Nice list. I too would like hairdressers to understand what I want. I’m glad its not just me.
    And I’m convinced the chickens pooping on the front step is a plot for world domination. It’s happening everywhere.

    1. Oh dear. We’re going to wake up one day and find out chickens have taken over the world while we slept. If we’d only been more vigilant when they started pooing on our doorsteps!

  2. The only goal I gave myself before I turned 30 was to write a full length manuscript. And then I wrote three…or four…I’m not sure exactly which story I was working on when my birthday rolled around. But I ended up writing six or seven within the span of a year. I’m trying to start counting by the calendar year now to make it easier on myself.

    You’ve accomplished some amazing things! The million dollars and Nobel Laureate ones were my favorites. Also the horse…but that’s sort of mean so never mind. Awesome list!!

  3. We gotta stake a vampire! Sorry to all the vampires out there, but really. We’ll only stake the bad ones. Which is most of them. ^_^ 200k is so many words! That’s like 2.5 books for me. The longest thing I’ve ever written was 86k. That was exciting! Getting dragged by a horse though–that’s so scary! I’ve only been on a horse a couple of times. It was awesome, but he wasn’t going very fast. Ha.

    I feel like hairdressers are taught at hairdresser school not to listen…

    1. Haha. It’s easy to write 200k words – it’s hard for them to form a story. Those 200k words certainly didn’t, though I like to think there was some good stuff in there.

      I actually learned to ride horses better later on, but that incident was rather unpleasant. I have no idea how the horse managed to avoid stepping on me. Or maybe it didn’t and I’m actually dead, I just don’t know it. 😉

  4. Also completely intrigued by the Nobel prize and million dollar story. For something more on my level, though, I have also been dragged behind a house. Also trodden on by said horse, but luckily it was on a beach and nothing was broken. Except my interest in horse riding.

    1. What, you don’t believe I tried to rob a bank? 😉 I would tell you the Nobel laureate story, but it sounds a lot more impressive while there’s an element of mystery left in there.

      Ouch! Getting trodden on by a horse sounds painful. I only ever had my feet stepped on by a horse, though I was kicked once and bitten a number of times. I actually still like horses, though they scare me a bit and I’m pretty allergic to them.

      1. I’m going with you and the Nobel Laureate coming up with the bank robbery idea at the same time. Close? 😉

        Well done for getting back on the horse (sorry) – I tried it a couple of times after getting trodden on, but ultimately decided that until I found a dragon I’d stick with cat-size companions…

        1. You got it!

          Cat-sized companions are wonderful, though I think if you add up total injuries I’ve probably been hurt more by my cat than by horses. But only because he loves me, of course.

  5. Can I help with world domination? Maybe I can be Propaganda Manager, or something else that doesn’t involve having to leave my seat? Then when we take over I would like to be Minister for Sport because most sport is rubbish and I have excellent ideas for how to improve it.

    1. Welcome to the team, Propaganda Manager. Do you want to start writing out first statement? I’m thinking something along the lines of, “We’re going to take over the world shortly, first we just have a couple of scenes to edit and a few beta reads to get out of the way. But then definitely.” I agree, most sports are rubbish.

  6. I’m now envious of the special relationship you and Kim have with horses. I’ve been dropped into various ditches by horses, but none of them felt like dragging me behind them after I fell off. I feel like I’ve missed out on something.

    1. I’m impressed by the horses’ aim – did they keep finding ditches especially for dropping you in? That’s dedication! And I can definitely recommend not being dragged or trodden on. Although there’s always room for all sorts of special relationships, with clearly defined boundaries, of course.

  7. The second on this list speaks to me? I have changed my “system” from throwing the clothes on the floor, to throwing them over a chair, and now I toss them in a specific bin in the closet.

    I am nearly thirty, so you’ve inspired me to figure this out asap. I can’t have this on my list of regrets.

    1. So I’m not the only one! 🙂 I was using a chair until we got a different bedroom that doesn’t have a chair. I’m going backwards. 🙁 When you figure out a system please tell me how you did it.

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