Why I don’t write book reviews

Instead of writing book reviews in which I analyse books and lay out the reasons you might like or hate them, I write not-reviews… which don’t. But they are more fun.

You might have noticed I don’t write book reviews, though recently I have been writing a fair few not-reviews in which Sebastian and Rain rant or rave about something I’ve been reading.

I know I’ve talked about why I don’t want to recommend books. Today I’m going to (try and figure out and then) explain my logic for writing not-reviews.

I probably have a number of good reasons. Let’s see if we can work out what they are.

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A happy story about a chicken called Sarah

Sarah the chicken overcomes her emotional wounds and finds happiness eating chook food with her friends near the house.

Sarah the black hen came to live in her new home as a pullet (young hen) with her speckled brown friend, Clementine.

Clementine got a fancy name because the people who sold her to us assured us she would lay blue eggs, though she was too young to lay at the time. Sarah, on the other hand, got a dull name because she was expected to lay white eggs.

As it turned out, both Clementine and Sarah lay slightly bluish eggs, but not blue enough for me to definitively convince myself that they’re not white. Perhaps the two hens split the difference.

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One of those days

A post about nothing at all. Plus a little writing inspiration.

I ran a Twitter poll recently asking if you wanted more or fewer book not-reviews.

The results were:

11% think I post too many not-reviews

19% think I post just enough reviews

11% think I should post more reviews

and 59% want chocolate.

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An impassioned rant about Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult

This is not a review of Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult. It is an impassioned rant about it. Is it a good rant or a bad rant? I’ll let you decide.

Rain: This is my rant about Leaving Time, and the first thing I want to say is what an uninspiring title for a beatiful book. “Leaving Time”. Two words that are entirely unemotive and suggest nothing about what the book’s about. Okay, sure, you see where the phrase comes from and it does mean something to the characters at a time, but this aspect is so lightly developed that it really doesn’t do it for me. And to someone who hasn’t read the book the words mean nothing. Ugh! I almost didn’t read it because of the title.

Sebastian: Ah, but you did read it.

Rain: Well, yea. Because elephants. The elephants were glorious and beautiful and touching and I want to meet them all now! The book should have been called something about elephants. “The Grief of Elephants” seems appropriate and captures the feeling of the book so much better than “Leaving Time”.

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Not a review of Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

My writer half and my reader half discuss Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn and even agree on a few things about it. I’ve tried to avoid major spoilers, but if you don’t want to know anything about the book then don’t read this post until after you’ve read it.

Sebastian, Rain and I just finished reading Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, and now we’re not going to write a review about it. But we are going to talk about it.

Gone Girl got on my list of mega-popular books to read because of its 44,974 Amazon reviews (and counting).

However, it’s somewhat interesting that it only has four stars. Even the lamest of self-published books usually manages an average of four stars, so I have to assume a lot of people hate this book.

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