The introvert’s guide to choosing a foreign language

Pretty writing
This probably isn’t in a foreign language, but I can’t read cursive so it may as well be.

You want to learn a foreign language, and you’re an introvert.

You don’t need me to point out the irony. There are a maximum of five people in the world you actually want to talk to and they’re all people you’re close to. In other words, they all speak your language.

Okay, I pointed it out. I’m like that.

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7 key ring tools for surviving the zombie apocalypse

Most people won’t survive the zombie apocalypse. Fortunately there are items you can assemble today to greatly increase your chances of being one of the few survivors, and they’re all small enough to fit on your key ring. Most will be useful even before the apocalypse.

Key ring with fun toys
Yes, this is really what I carry on my key ring, plus keys.

This is important. You don’t know where you’ll be when the zombie apocalypse breaks out, so survival gear sitting under your bed may do you no good at all. Keep them on your key ring, and always carry it with you.

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5 ways to eat your favourite foods absolutely guilt free

The perfect cupcakes for your dietSeventy-five percent of people you pass in the street are trying to lose weight. (Like 94% of statistics, this number is entirely fabricated.)

Trying to lose weight sucks for two reasons:

  • You don’t get to eat food that’s full of empty calories and, face it, that’s most stuff that tastes good, like cookies, ice cream, and apricot pies.
  • You don’t actually lose weight.

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How a shark ended my swimming career

When I was six, some bright spark decided to repaint the school swimming pool. The blue background was probably necessary to disguise the yellow water, but it was a pool for children, so they didn’t stop there.

Soon a dozen colourful starfish and octopuses crawled across the pool floor. I was as happy as you can be about cute creatures painted in a pool two degrees above having icebergs. (Actually, it was probably only the urine content that kept the pool from freezing entirely.)

Then there was the shark.

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Brontosaurus is back and he’s bad

I was looking for a picture of Brontosaurus recently (some days you need Brontosaurus) and I made a horrifying discovery: according to random-guy-on-the-web, Brontosaurus hasn’t been a separate genus of dinosaur for over a hundred years.

You heard me. Brontosaurus as we know him does not exist.

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