Authors, whatever you do, don’t do this

I tweeted recently about something an author had done that made me feel cheated. My tweet went viral and the author’s behaviour received near-universal condemnation. So if you don’t want to infuriate your readers, don’t do what he did.

A few days ago I finished the book I was reading and trawled through my kindle for something new to read. I happen to have *cough cough* pages of books I’ve bought or downloaded free and haven’t quite got around to reading, so I knew I’d find something.

Sure enough, I came across a book I didn’t recall buying. The cover was attractive enough as a black-and-white thumbnail, and the first half sentence of blurb that my kindle displays was intriguing.

A post-apocalyptic world. Zombies. Yep, that sounded like some good light entertainment.

I began to read.

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Should you join Mastodon?

I joined Mastodon as a writer looking to hang out with other writers and to have somewhere to share my blog posts. This was my experience.

Before you take any advice I have to give, you should know two things.

First, this is not advice.

Second, I’m very non-technical and don’t know anything.

Third, this is all just based on my experience.

Fourth, I can’t count.

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The only advice you need to write your first novel

Here’s the best advice out there on how to write your first novel. I know because I wrote it. You should still ignore it.

Eighty-three percent of people want to write a novel.*

* Like 97 percent of statistics, this number is made up.

But perhaps you do want to write a novel. You’ve always loved to tell stories, and fantastic lands and tortured characters clamour in your head. You must set them free in the world for the good of all mankind.

Being the intelligent person you are, you do some research on how to write a novel and are promptly overwhelmed.

Amazon gives over 2000 results for “how to write a novel”, Google gives nearly 800 million. It’s probably not feasible to read all those before dinnertime.

But fear not, because I have the only advice you need to write the masterpiece that’s fermenting in your head and bubbling out your ears.

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How (not to) get unstuck while editing

Editing my fantasy novel in progress, I reached a scene that I couldn’t make work. Here’s how I tried (and failed) to solve my problem.

Not too long ago I finished the third (and final?) structural edit of my work in progress. Which meant it was time for a scene-by-scene edit.

Everything was happy bunnies and golden sunshine for a while as I made my adequate scenes dramatic, glittery, and deep.

Then something went wrong.

I could blame work. Or Minecraft. Or poor sleep.

Really, the problem was my midpoint.

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How to make cooking more exciting

If you’re bored with the same old cooking routine, here are some suggestions on how to make cooking more exciting. I don’t recommend any of them.

I’m not a fan of cooking. In fact, I believe eating should be optional.

Sadly, the Great Cat hasn’t implemented that idea yet, so I’m stuck with bumbling my way through the kitchen and failing to improve my diet.

I was talking with the delightful @Bky_The_Geek on Twitter recently, and she had some excellent suggestions for how I might have more fun cooking.

Look! That’s me talking to Rebecca. I got pretty purple stars by my name. That’s to help people who, like me, are terrible at remembering faces.
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